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Tag Archives: meds

Solian up and down and…?

My dosage of Solian was reduced yesterday because of the side effects. I had a terrible night, waking every hour and not being able to get back to sleep for some time. I just had a phone call from my pdoc who said to partly increase the Solian again! Also to take all my Epilim (Sodium Valproate) at night instead of a third of it in the morning. I’d like to post my latest meds on my meds page but they are changing daily! Does anyone know what they are doing or is it all hit-and-miss? I wonder. It doesn’t inspire confidence. Now all I need is for the ECG to show I can’t take Solian!!!!!

effexor xr

I started off two days ago taking 75mg of Effexor XR. Today I took the increased dose of 150mg. By the middle of the day I was having what I thought was a bad reaction. I had a long phone call with my mother during which I literally could not shut up. Highly agitated and running on super-fast. Then I started trembling and shaking all over. Even my head has been bobbing up and down. I have tried writing and but it is impossible because I can’t hold a pen.

I rang my psych but he is away today so I rang my GP. She said she thinks it is a side-effect I am experiencing and to go back to a lower dose until I can speak with my psych. It is a horrible feeling, so is the headache I have! Either it is a side-effect or I’m moving into mania. Time will tell.

next step

My psychiatrist called me in today to discuss some changes with me. Last week he presented my case to a Peer Review meeting. Several points came from the meeting. One was that they disagreed with the psychiatrist at the hospital about my depression being purely psychologically based. They all believe that it is mostly biological. Secondly, they disagreed with the stance the psychologists had taken re making major life changes rapidly. Thirdly they agreed that a medication change is necessary, and fourthly that ECT is another option.

Based on this, my psychiatrist is changing my medication regime in gradual steps. He is going to take me off Epilim, increase Lamotrigine and Solian and increase Effexor XR.

I hope this works. He said he would normally do this in hospital but thinks I’ve had enough of hospital for now :)

I really appreciate him going to the lengths he has in order to help me. He also said that while he has no particular view on smoking, the chemicals in cigarettes affect the metabolism of enzymes in the liver which in turn affects the efficacy of any medication taken. Another good reason for stopping smoking asap!

back home again

I left hospital on the 12th feeling exhausted and very low. The TMS psychiatrist told me I have to “just live with the depression” (yeah, thanks heaps). The psychologist focussed on making major changes in my life, ones that have nothing to do with feeling depressed! I swear some of these people make it up as they go along. Snap judgements made after talking to me for no more than 20 mins.

My own psychiatrist disagrees with them and has changed my main antidepressant from Cymbalta to Effexor XR.

Coming home was difficult. I felt so safe in hospital and coming back into the real world makes me more aware of being depressed and being around people who don’t fully understand. What an awful illness this is. So debilitating.

new year

A bright and shiny new year?
Is this the year when my belief in pharmacotherapy and in psychotherapy will be fulfilled by stabilising my moods, especially the deep depression that is constantly with me?
The depression takes on different physical symptoms each day. Singly and in multiples they take my body on unwanted journeys. I feel like I am on a roller coaster, rising up knowing there is a fall on the other side, and then plunging downwards experiencing that stomach-left-behind feeling.
Most days I have a dull headache and I’m so tired that I have to sleep several hours on top of my 7 hours of nighttime sleep. Other times I sleep to escape from the despair. I feel “things” crawling on me and I see movements in my peripheral vision that are not there. Dissociation has become part of my usual day. Often it is the only way I think I survive.
I’ve not made any New Year resolutions as such. I will try to achieve the behaviours already on my list:

  1. Regularly take my medication
  2. Attend all therapy sessions
  3. Know when I need extra help (ie phone support, hospitalisation)
  4. Develop realistic thought patterns and avoid negative automatic thoughts
  5. Get enough sleep
  6. Eat healthy food and lose weight
  7. Exercise
  8. Find the confidence I have lost
  9. Cease to worry about others’ opinions
  10. Accept that I may have self-harm and suicidal thoughts but that I choose not to carry them out

Then, maybe, my year can become bright and shiny. I’m hoping.

urrgh! new meds

I hate changing meds. The changeover period is usually awful with instant side effects. My pdoc has prescribed Seroquel XR. Last year I was taking ordinary Seroquel and it was working well for me but it prolonged the QTc interval in my heart. Many drugs have the potential to do this and it has been difficult for my psychiatrist to find ones that don’t or that have lower potential.

seroquel-xr

He thinks that SeroquelXR may not have the same effect because of a lesser initial spike after taking the drug. This remains to be seen and I must have frequent ECGs again.  If treatment is successful then I avoid going to hospital for ECT.

I took the first dose at 5pm on Monday and by 7pm I was a total zombie. I was out somewhere and had to quickly get home because my ability to drive was decreasing fast. I had the worst case of restless legs I have ever had and would happily have chopped them off! When I got home I was snappy with my husband and my beautiful dogs and hated myself for it. I crawled into bed half-clothed and slept for 18 hours (with bathroom breaks!). I did not start to feel normal until 24 hours had passed.

I could not take another dose as today and tomorrow I have to be able to drive. I am going to speak with my psychiatrist again and maybe restart the tablets on Friday.

same old, same old

Life’s not getting any better. I still feel like getting rid of the meds. If they were working I’d be feeling less depressed surely? I take enough to make me rattle and what for? This bout of depression started at the end of December 2008. It’s too long. Far too long. This is when I begin having urges to self-harm and I have to fight them. I feel that hospital is on the horizon again and I really don’t want to go.

PDoc Visits

Whenever I have a session with my psychiatrist I go in with two books. The first is a medication diary. I have a chart for each week listing all my meds and I mark off each day when I take them. At the bottom of the chart I have a row for hours of sleep on each day, my mood scale, and whether I am depressed, anxious or irritated.

My psychiatrist uses this to remind him about my meds without having to check through his notes and he writes down any changes he makes to the “cocktail”. He can also quickly see how much sleep I am getting and whether my mood is stable.

The second book is my journal. In this I write a daily account of happenings, activities, interactions, thoughts, feelings, poetry, mind maps … anything really. As I see my Dr often he only has a few pages to read through each time and it helps to direct the conversation for the session.

Heading Upwards

My depression is lifting since I’ve changed to Cymbalta. At long last! This bout of depression has lasted months and has been very debilitating. Too many days crying. Too many days of suicide ideation. Too many days when I couldn’t function and couldn’t leave the house.

Now I can see a weak light at the end of the dark tunnel of my despair. I have waded through the thick, black mud without drowning and I can feel my feet on solid ground.

I long for this to last because I’m so tired of feeling helpless and hopeless.

Seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and he’ll be pleased that my mood is stabilising.

Meds Change

Today is one of those days when I know I’m in for a bumpy ride. My PDoc is changing my meds regime and I’m going through the reduction phase for Lovan and Edronax. Dosages will keep dropping for another six days and then I start on Cymbalta.

Already I am beginning to feel the drop in Lovan. I feel restless. How I hate changing over meds!

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