Feeling obsessed, possessed
Mind out of control
Can’t suppress, too distressed
Slashing my soul
Feeling haunted, daunted
Ripped from inside
Unwanted and taunted
No place to hide
Seeing visions, collisions
Within my head
All divisions, decisions
Truth filled with dread
Feel the yearning and burning
Torment my heart
Sick churning no learning
Pain breaking apart
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Self-Help
I guess I’m alive, I can hear myself breathing
Scared to open my eyes and face what I’m feeling
Each day is the same, it is always too painful
There’s not enough sun and far too much rainfall
The demons of doom controlling my thinking
I’m stuck in black mud and steadily sinking
Shackles of hate holding firm on my soul
Once there was love and now there’s a hole
I want to be angry, I want to get mad
I want to let out my inner “bad”
I want to hit it, I want to bash
I want cut it and I want to slash
blood, blood, feel the sting, see the blood
blood blood feeling good feeling good
I guess I’m alive, I can see myself bleeding
I open my eyes, the fear is receding
The pain of the day is now slowly numbing
Replaced by the sound of blood in veins humming
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My life’s in pieces, I don’t have a clue,
I’m all f***ed up, I can’t make it through.
My eyes are burning from too many tears,
I’m down on the floor facing so many fears.
I can’t think so well, I can’t concentrate,
I don’t know how I got into this state.
I can’t see ahead, my vision’s impaired,
All alone in the dark, feeling so scared.
I’m dying on the inside
Look in the mirror
See nothing there.
I’m drowning at low tide
Face in the water Breathe without care.
I’ve no sort of future, too old to make change.
Each step I take, hope moves out of range.
I’m feeling so empty, I constantly cry,
I can’t keep on trying, life’s passing me by.
I’m dying on the inside
Look in the mirror
See nothing there.
I’m drowning at low tide
Face in the water
Breathe without care.
It’ll be over soon,
It’ll be over soon.
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Days of darkness
No caring found
Worry inside me
Dragging me down
Crawling through mud
Black as the night
Grabs at my feet
Holding them tight
I’m drowning in words
All pointless, inane
Why say them out loud
Are they causing pain
I’m hating myself
Cannot go on
Leave me alone
Then I’ll be gone.
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Taking me down, down, down
Blackness surrounds, all around.
It’s been like this far too long.
And I can’t get over it,
Can’t get over it.
The night is too dark to see
I don’t care if you disagree
I’m hurting so much, I’m in pain.
And I can’t get over it,
Can’t get over it.
Too f**ked to think
Too f**ed to care
Hate who I am
Too much to bear.
Why don’t you understand
I’m in need of a helping hand,
But it’s far too hard,
And I can’t get over it
Can’t get over it
Down, down. down,
As I drown, drown, drown,
And I can’t get over it,
But maybe I’m all over it.
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Medication, frustration, fragmentation,
What am I getting out of life?
Take pills or go and use a knife.
Behaving, face-saving, love craving,
Why am I scared of the day?
Have I nothing left to say?
Then why is there pain?
Again and again.
It cuts me down,
And leaves me here to drown.
Depression, regression, confession.
Why can’t I move on from here?
Want to die each and every year.
Always there is pain
Again and again
It cuts me down
And leaves me here to drown.
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I was so desolate
I couldn’t breathe
I was so lonely
I could not believe
So sad, so sad
So bitter blue
My head was in space
I couldn’t see
My heart was in hell
I couldn’t feel
So sad, so sad
So bitter blue
Don’t know what to do
Can’t see this through
So sad, so sad.
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Give me a spade to dig my own grave
Cold earth to surround me in death that I crave
Nothing left of my hopes and dreams
The peace of finally not being me
At rest now I’m always a soul that is free
Thunder and lightning, pouring rain teems
The coffin holds only my flesh and my bone
Soon is forgotten the love I have shown
Flowers brown and rot where they’ve lain
Weeds growing over the muddied bare soil
No more decisions nor lives to spoil
Be gone, gone from a world that brought pain
I can’t be
I can’t be
Who I am
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Brothers and Sisters linking arms
March me on to my defeat
Lead me to the dark that harms
Footsteps falling to the beat
Shout your words as I go by
Streams of sound I do not hear
Willows wave in sunlit sky
Of journey’s end I cannot fear
Dusty paths and fields of green
A worn out farm, a disused mill
A sight so many eyes have seen
Purple flowers line the hill
White clouds passing overhead
The scent of hay is in the air
Looking down at wrists that bled
Rivers flow with deep despair
Brothers, Sisters take me to
My open grave upon that hill
The day takes on a darkened hue
My body falls, my heart is still
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Whether the knife is sharp and true
Or a rope hangs at the ready
I have pills of every hue
My desire is staying steady
To find the place we all are going
At the end of mortal living
A strong need in me is growing
I want dying not the living
To write notes of last goodbyes
And take a well-worn path to peace
Can’t you see it in my eyes
I want the pain and life to cease
If suicide is such a sin
Then a sinner I will be
Praying hands beneath your chin
You can say a prayer for me
But I can’t give you a reason
That you would fully understand
Maybe say it’s just my season
To take my life by my own hand
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Time and time again I cry
For a life lived as a lie
And I’ve come to say goodbye
But I’m sorry
For the pain I put you through
The pain was my pain too
Life can be a heady brew
But I’m sorry
When hoping changes to desire
To stand upon my funeral pyre
Where flames turn into fire
I’m so sorry
Know I go in peace
To find eteral solace
In the heaven of your mind
But now forget me, you must
Take my ashes home with you
In an urn of sapphire blue
Spread them in the morning dew
And know I’m sorry
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Come to me at nightime
Embrace me in your arms
No words to say, a silent mime
Bathe me in your charms
Take my sould and hold it
My body left behind
Your hands and mine a perfect fit
Peace there I can find
Show to me a glowing light
A pathway to the sky
Along the way it shines so bright
I go without a sigh
Take me somewhere else but here
A place where there’s no pain
My leaving brings to me no fear
I’ve everything to gain
Cry not for me those who’ve cared
Cry not when I go
Think of good times we have shared
And the love I had to show
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My need has not withered on the vine
Nor has it dissipated as we grew
Like a flower needs water
I have needed you to sustain me
Clinging to your raft in a stormy ocean
I’ve tried to let go and swim alone
But the waves crash over my head
Until I’m drowning in my own helplessness
Love should be a meeting of souls
The joy of taking the same journey
Not circling in dysfunction and chaos
Your strengths are my weaknesses
Yet I cannot take nor borrow from you
My earthly body cries out in hope
The love we’ve known doesn’t hear
In death I may find you again
We may touch in true harmony
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The child inside her weeps
Nightly I hear her cries
The sadness through her seeps
The tears fall away from her eyes
She cries for what might have been
A childhood that left her strong
For the pain that she has seen
For the life that turned out wrong
Heartaches that fill her being
Nightmares come in the dark
Closed eyes still are seeing
The dysfunction that left its mark
To be loved as a babe in arms
And ignored as time goes by
Rejection finally harms
The girl who never knew why
As an adult she tries to let go
Of the feelings she has inside
Allowing herself to grow
But in her they still reside
The child inside her weeps
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